In March 2020, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy. This was not only scary, confusing, and heartbreaking but also life-threatening. Having emergency surgery and losing a baby and a body part was by far my worst life experience and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  

I feel very lucky to have had a very supportive network of friends and family and I was able to take the time off work to physically recover from this very unexpected surgery. The mental recovery however definitely took a lot longer than the physical. I realise now that I was only mentally able to work through the trauma after having my son and I used our EAP sessions to discuss my trauma with a counsellor.

When I returned to work after maternity leave in 2022, I felt extremely blessed that I had a little boy in my arms and I was also very motivated to help women who weren’t as blessed as me. It was my duty to help women and for them to know they were not alone on their journey. I personally felt like I had cheated because I was able to have time off sick during my ectopic pregnancy, because I’d had surgery. If I’d not have been signed off sick from the surgeon I wouldn’t have had that ‘luxury’. I knew that miscarriage before 24 weeks didn’t automatically give anyone the right to paid leave so I approached SAP’s HR department to ensure it was available to any SAP employee who lost a baby at any gestation of pregnancy, I couldn’t imagine anybody not being able to have some time off at such a horrific time.

I had no idea when approaching the team whether it would even be a conversation I could have. I knew how passionate I was about it and I knew I would do everything I could to make the change but the law is the law and that could have been the answer to my question. I don’t believe until you have experienced pregnancy loss you truly understand the impact and therefore I was nervous that there wouldn’t be an understanding of the need. However, Alex, our UK HR Director at the time, listened to me and supported my mission to help women and families during pregnancy loss. We, together, implemented a dedicated bereavement leave for all employees at SAP UK experiencing pregnancy loss. I was very open with Alex about what I’d been through and he saw my passion and determination and joined me on my journey rather than pushed me away, which I’ll forever be grateful for.

After working through the fine details and getting approval from above, on 26th June 2023, it was announced that this dedicated 14 day full paid bereavement leave was added to our employee handbook to help assist employees during that difficult time. Miscarriage and child loss can be devastating, and this policy aimed to recognise the need for individuals and families to grieve and recover in their own way. It also aimed to alleviate some of the burdens during the difficult period, allowing employees to take the time they need without concerns about work or financial implications.

The policy change was completed, but I didn’t want my work to stop there. I wanted to raise awareness of pregnancy loss within the workplace and I knew that by being vulnerable and sharing my story would not only help others feel less alone, but also to be able to share their stories too. I knew this was a taboo topic and I knew that with the statistics of 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage in the UK I wasn’t alone. Whether it was someone at work who had experienced this personally, experiencing it alongside a partner or an employee knowing someone around them going through this horrible time. I knew that awareness needed to be raised.

I had an incredible session with SAPs Business Women’s Network. I opened by telling everyone my story and there were many tears (especially mine) as I didn’t leave any detail unturned. I wanted to get the message across and I believe being so vulnerable helped that. I spoke about the statistics of miscarriage, the different types of miscarriage and most importantly in the workplace, how to support someone. I spoke about ‘what not to say’, ‘what to say’ and generally how to support someone who is experiencing pregnancy loss and shared lots of different support avenues including our EAP and our Peppy App. This session resulted in many women coming to me and sharing their stories and many women confirmed that they felt less alone now I had raised it. I also shared a post about it on my LinkedIn page and it blew me away how many men messaged me privately to discuss their own experiences. I was the one who opened the conversation that many clearly wanted to have. I am so glad I created that safe space.

I went through the most horrific experience that left scars physically and mentally but I used my pain to help others. If I’m honest, this journey at SAP has healed me and I just hope that the work I have done will support and help others, no matter how big or small.