Who’s the best leader you’ve ever worked with? 

Close your eyes for a moment and think about it (an unconventional start to a blog post, sure - but trust us.)

Now, we're no mind reader, but we're guessing the person you thought about is someone who treated you with respect, understood your strengths and listened to your ideas. In short, a leader driven by empathy. 

In this post, we’ll outline why the team at tyllr, a self-care and personal growth platform for managers believe empathy is such an important trait for managers and leaders - and share some practical tips for leaning into a more empathetic style. 

What do we mean by empathy driven leadership?

At its core, empathy driven leadership is about constantly seeking to understand the needs, aspirations, strengths - and stressors - of the individuals within your team and using this knowledge to both support and challenge them. 

Being able to understand what drives each team member gives leaders a headstart with other important management responsibilities - such as delegating projects, communicating with clarity and aligning the team around common goals.

Why it matters 

Research has consistently shown that psychological safety is the number one driver of high performing teams. Empathy driven leaders build this safety naturally, encouraging team members to share their ideas - even the little-bit-out-there ones - take risks and be more creative. 

Empathetic leaders also tend to be more inclusive.  By getting curious about their team members' backgrounds and unique identities, they help them to feel seen, heard and understood - something all human beings need. 

Having an empathy driven leader can be especially powerful for people who are minoritised within the workplace. Neurodivergent folks, for example, are less likely to feel pressure to mask if their manager takes time to understand their needs and recognise their strengths. 

Being empathy-driven also benefits leaders themselves. At tyllr, we hear from a lot of managers about the pressure they feel to have all the answers - a thoroughly unrealistic expectation that, over time, can lead to anxiety and burnout. That’s why our platform is packed with resources that help leaders practise self-compassion and look after their emotional wellbeing- like this cognitive reframing tool. 

How to build a more empathetic style

Just like any other leadership skill, our capacity for empathy can be developed and deepened through reflection and practice. If you think you could benefit from leaning into a more empathetic style, try experimenting with some of the following: 

Listen deeply: during 1:1’s with your team, try to avoid interruptions and be fully present. Lean into your curiosity by asking open questions and giving space for your team members to answer fully. One of my favourite tools for deeper listening is to just keep the acronym W.A.I.T top of mind (it stands for ‘why am I talking’ - a good reminder that silence creates opportunities for deeper reflection!) 

Be available: 1:1’s should be rarely skipped or cancelled. They’re the main regular touchpoints you have with your team - and prioritising them shows that you value your team members' time and are there to support them. If you don’t feel like your 1:1’s are time well spent - dig into it. Think about what would make them more effective, then co-create an improved agenda. 

Don’t force fixes: often, our instinct when team members are going through a difficult time personally - whether it’s a divorce, a new medical diagnosis or a dip in wellbeing - is to try and fix the problem. Whilst this instinct comes from a good place, it can often make people feel like their pain is not valid. Instead, high empathy leaders ask ‘how can I support you’ or ‘what do you need?’

Cultivate compassion: research shows that certain types of meditation and breathwork can help us connect with our own feelings - and be more open to understanding others. Try loving kindness meditation or check out one of the breathwork exercises on tyllr’s website. 

What empathy-driven leadership isn’t: 

Empathy is an often misunderstood trait - so it’s worth us also taking the time to explore some common traps for managers to avoid when building up this muscle. 

Firstly, it’s worth pointing out that empathy is distinct from sympathy. Whilst sympathy usually comes from a good place, it’s associated with expressing pity - or sharing your own experiences in the hope of making the other person feel better. Ironically, attempts to relate in this way can come across as tactless or inauthentic and end up centering your own emotions. By contrast, when we express empathy, we focus on listening and offering meaningful support tailored to the person in front of us and their needs. 

Empathy also shouldn’t be confused with an ‘anything goes’ attitude or always defaulting to your team members needs and preferences. Whilst understanding these preferences is vital, any relationship of trust must be co-created. It’s apathetic - as opposed to empathetic - to refuse to set clear expectations or tackle difficult conversations. 

One final trap to watch out for is being a ‘rescuer’. Being empathetic does not mean taking on the responsibility of solving work or personal challenges for your team members - something that will quickly lead to you feeling emotionally drained. If you find yourself falling into this pattern, try to pivot towards more of a coaching role - asking questions to empower your team members to think through their options and make their own choices. 

Bringing it all together

As human beings, we all look to authority figures to model positive behaviour and understand what success looks like in different contexts. 

When a leader demonstrates empathy - the whole team benefits.  Team members are more likely to feel a sense of belonging - and look out for one another, building team resilience. Leaders are also able to show up and be present as their authentic, fully human selves.